How to Train Yourself Out of Nervous Singing
Have you ever felt so nervous singing around other people that you suddenly clam up, lower your voice or stop singing altogether? This can happen even when you know that your voice is good enough to be heard. You may feel perfectly comfortable singing on your own, but the moment someone else is nearby, all of that confidence seems to disappear.
Even singing in front of someone you trust, such as a friend, partner or relative, can feel incredibly uncomfortable. Singing is very personal because your voice comes directly from you, and allowing someone else to hear it can make you feel exposed in a way that other activities do not. Sometimes the thought of singing in front of someone can feel so uncomfortable that you would rather avoid it completely.
A lot of this can come from the fear of embarrassment, criticism or rejection. When we sing, especially when we are still learning to feel comfortable with our voices, we may worry that someone will judge how we sound or think we are not good enough. Because singing feels so personal, criticism of the voice can sometimes feel like criticism of us, even if it is not intended that way.
But you do not have to force yourself into a frightening situation and hope that confidence eventually appears. There is a gentler way to become more comfortable being heard, and it involves gradually giving yourself experiences that show you that singing around other people can be safe.
How to Stop Feeling Nervous Singing Around Other People
The goal is not to suddenly become fearless. Instead, you want to slowly increase the situations in which you allow yourself to sing, while staying within a level of discomfort that still feels manageable. Over time, those situations can start to feel more familiar, and what once felt intimidating can begin to feel much more normal.
This is important because confidence does not always come from telling yourself not to be nervous. Sometimes it comes from having enough positive experiences that your mind and body begin to realize that there is nothing dangerous about being heard.
Start by Feeling Comfortable With Your Voice When You Are Alone
Before you begin singing more openly around other people, it helps to feel reasonably comfortable singing when you are by yourself. If you are still criticizing your voice constantly or feeling embarrassed even when nobody else can hear you, give yourself some time to work on that relationship first.
You do not have to think your voice is perfect. You simply want to reach a point where singing feels like something you can enjoy instead of something you constantly evaluate. If a part of you is always saying that you are not good enough to be heard, that fear can become even stronger once another person enters the picture.
Your voice does not have to sound like that of a famous singer to deserve space in this world. There is something in your voice that belongs to you alone, and that includes your personality, your emotions, your experiences and the little characteristics that make your sound different from someone else's.
Do not wait until you believe you are finally "good enough" before allowing anyone to hear you. That can easily become a mental trap, because the definition of "good enough" can keep moving farther away and become unattainable. That is what is referred to as perfectionism and something that should be avoided if you want to be a good singer. Singing well can be done without perfectionism. It's just a different mindset.
Let Someone Hear You Without Singing Directly to Them
Once you feel comfortable singing alone, begin by allowing yourself to be heard indirectly by others. If you live with someone, you could sing in another room with the door slightly open instead of completely closed. You are not performing for them or asking them to listen; you are simply allowing the possibility that your voice may carry into another room. You don't need to know whether someone is there or not. The idea that someone could be within earshot is good enough.
Try this for a while and notice how it feels. If it makes you a little nervous but you are still able to continue singing, that is a good place to stay until it begins to feel more ordinary to you. After a week or two, you may find that leaving the door open no longer feels like such a big deal.
You can then gradually make the situation a little more open. Perhaps you leave the door wider, or continue singing when the person walks through the hallway instead of immediately stopping. These small moments can teach you that being heard does not automatically lead to embarrassment or criticism.
Practice Singing Outside Where Someone Might Hear You
The next step can be moving your singing outside of your usual private space. You could stand in your driveway, parking lot, backyard, balcony or another place around your residence and sing quietly, even if nobody else is nearby.
At first, the important part is simply that you are singing in a more open environment. There is now a possibility that someone could walk past or hear you from a distance, and that alone can help you get used to the idea that your voice does not have to stay hidden indoors.
You do not need to sing loudly. Sing at whatever volume feels comfortable and let yourself become familiar with the feeling of singing somewhere that is slightly less private. Over time, that space can begin to feel safe too.
Try Singing Softly in Public
Once you are ready, try singing very softly while you are out somewhere, such as a grocery store, Walmart, a park or another place where you are already moving around naturally. The idea is not to perform or attract attention. You are simply singing in the same relaxed way that someone might hum when they are in a good mood.
I actually like doing this myself, and I have noticed something interesting. The more often I sing softly in public, the more natural it feels and the more I feel like doing it again. Most people do not seem to mind at all, especially when you are not being disruptive or necessarily trying to make a "spectacle" of yourself.
This can be a very helpful stage because it allows you to experience being heard without placing yourself in a performance situation. You are not standing in front of someone waiting for approval. You are simply allowing your singing voice to exist while other people happen to be nearby.
Associate Singing Around Others With Feeling Good
When you practice singing softly in public, try not to approach it with the mindset that you are forcing yourself to face a fear. Instead, make it part of a pleasant experience. Sing because you are in a good mood, because you like the song in your head or because you simply feel like expressing yourself.
This can help change the emotional association you have with singing around other people. Instead of every public singing experience being connected to anxiety, you begin creating experiences that are connected to enjoyment, relaxation and ordinary daily life. Over time, you are also helping your brain build new associations around singing in public, so it can begin to feel like something more familiar, comfortable and even enjoyable.
You may even notice that your good mood affects the atmosphere around you in a small way. Singing softly can sometimes make you seem lighthearted and approachable, and even if nobody says anything, you may feel more connected to the environment around you. And some people may actually enjoy the mood you bring with your singing. Hearing someone sing can brighten a person's day, lift their spirits or simply add a little something pleasant to the moment. Who knows, they could be having a bad day and you are giving them something to smile about.
Gradually Let Yourself Sing a Little Louder
When soft singing begins to feel comfortable, you can allow yourself to become slightly more audible. You do not need to suddenly sing at full volume. Just let a little more of your natural voice come through when it feels right.
You might sing a little more openly while walking outside, while doing something around your yard or while listening to music in the car with the windows slightly open. The goal is to move gradually from situations where someone might hear you to situations where someone probably can hear you.
Each time you do this, notice how your body reacts and whether the situation still feels manageable. If something feels too overwhelming, there is no need to push through it simply to prove something to yourself. Stay at the level that feels challenging but still safe enough to repeat.
Begin Singing Casually Around Someone You Trust
Once you become more comfortable being heard in less personal situations, begin singing casually around someone you trust. This could be while cooking, driving together, cleaning the house or listening to music in the same room.
The important part is that you do not immediately stop singing because another person is present. You allow the activity to continue naturally, without apologizing for your voice or making a joke about your singing before they have even reacted.
This stage can be very important because it teaches you that singing does not always have to become a performance simply because another person is listening. Sometimes you are just a person singing while someone else happens to be there. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that.
And you can even have them join in with you. Sing a song together, especially one that matters to both of you. It can be a song from your shared past or even a song that both of you like and know well. Make it fun. The more your nervous system equates singing with enjoyment on top of safety, the less nervous you will feel. You are replacing the experience of singing in front of others as something fearful with something joyful.
Increase the Number of People Gradually
Once singing for one person starts to feel normal, you can slowly expand from there. You might sing around two friends, join in when music is playing at a gathering or try karaoke with people you already feel comfortable around. You don't have to go to a karaoke bar and sing publicly, you can purchase a small karaoke machine and arrange a get-together or party at your place or at someone else's. This makes singing in front of multiple people even safer, especially if others are going to be doing it, too.
Group singing can be a useful bridge because you are not carrying the entire experience alone. Other voices are around you, and the attention is not necessarily focused entirely on your voice alone.
Over time, you may notice that you are no longer thinking so much about whether someone can hear you. The situations that once made you tense may begin to feel like ordinary parts of your life. Or something entirely different can happen — you may wind up enjoying the process of singing in front of others and want to do it again and again.
I have been experiencing this myself. In the past, I was too scared to sing in front of other people because I wasn't used to it, so it was a big unknown for me. But now, whenever I go to a mall or a store and a nice song comes on, I will definitely sing along.
Pay Attention to What Actually Happens When People Hear You
One of the most important parts of this process is noticing what happens in reality instead of what you imagine will happen. We can easily convince ourselves that everyone is watching, judging and forming opinions about us, especially when we already feel self-conscious.
But when you sing softly in a store, outside or around people you trust, look at what actually happens. Most people are usually occupied with their own lives and may barely pay attention. Even when someone does notice you, that does not automatically mean they are judging you negatively.
Each time you sing and nothing terrible happens, allow yourself to register that experience. You are slowly collecting evidence that being heard can be safe and as ordinary as speaking.
And another thing to consider is this: putting so much emphasis on what someone else thinks should be something you work on and do away with. If someone has a negative thought about you or your voice, so what? Let them think it. Sing anyway. Sing with heart and sing in spite. Don't let their opinions take away your joy.
Don't Push Yourself Faster Than You Are Ready to Go
There is no correct schedule for becoming comfortable singing around others. Some people may move through these steps quickly, while others may need more time at each stage.
What matters is that you do not force yourself into situations that feel far beyond what you can currently tolerate. Confidence tends to grow more naturally when you repeatedly experience manageable situations and discover that you can handle them.
When one stage begins to feel almost boring or completely normal, that may be a sign that you are ready for the next small step. You do not need to leap ahead. A small increase is going to be good enough. Keep pushing the envelope a bit more each time. This will help make the whole concept of singing in front of others feel more natural and stick with you.
You Do Not Have to Become a Performer (Unless You Want to)
Becoming comfortable being heard does not mean you have to become a stage performer, unless you aspire to be one in the future. You may never want to sing in front of an audience, and that is perfectly fine.
Maybe your goal is simply to stop freezing when someone walks into the room. Perhaps you want to sing around friends, join in during karaoke, sing in the car with someone beside you or stop hiding your voice whenever another person is nearby.
That is still a meaningful kind of freedom. And freedom in singing is a beautiful thing.
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Want More Help With Your Nervousness in Singing?
Hi, my name is Stella Jasmin, and I am a motivational singing coach and founder of the company, The Singing Journey. I have written several e-books and PDFs on various subjects dealing with the pain points that many singers experience, and I do it in a way that is simple, enjoyable, and fun to read. I even include exercises at the end of each chapter for most of my e-books that you can do from the comfort of your own home.
I have an e-book for those of you who suffer from Stage Fright. This e-book is a must-read for people who want to take themselves out of the debilitating fear of singing on stage, with some helpful tips and tricks to make your vocal performances better and more enjoyable. You can get it by clicking the button here:
If you don't like your voice, I have written an e-book just for you. Here you will turn singing into a more pleasurable experience, where you start to develop a positive relationship with your voice. You can get it here:
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Happy singing!
💜 Stella Jasmin
Motivational Singing Coach and Founder of The Singing Journey
https://thesingingjourney.com